A little bit of background about what I do. I’ve worked as a radiographer in the NHS since July 2019, a month after I finished my degree. I enjoy what I do and it is a rewarding role, understanding the impact a scan can have on a patient’s care.

Being in an environment surrounded by unwell people did take its toll on me towards the end of last year. There was particular moment when my colleague and I went to an oncology ward to bring a patient down to our department for an x-ray. We passed by the day unit, where cancer patients go for their chemotherapy. It really hit home that day that that was the same sort of place Dad would have to sit in for hours, sometimes being admitted overnight. It upset me to know what he was going through and how helpless I felt being so far away from him.

There’s not a lot of things at work that bother me and prior to Dad’s illness I didn’t let anything faze me. However, in the later months, even visiting the ITU’s where there were critically ill patients started to affect me. I had to x-ray one man in particular, who was in his early 60s, and was struggling to breathe. I found myself caught up in a doctor’s conversation about treatment for the patient as they crowded around the x-ray machine. To hear them discuss his treatment options and come to the conclusion that he was dying was difficult to stomach and I struggled to concentrate for the rest of my shift.

I had never found myself in a position of grief prior to these past few years but I’ve realised at work that I am almost grieving for people I don’t even know. The only silver lining is that I can help these people and provide imaging which will hopefully lead on to a better prognosis for them.

Since then, I have moved on to a new role in neuroimaging which has been a blessing. Starting a new role on the day Dad passed away was incredibly difficult as I had to postpone my first clinical day by two weeks. Trying to absorb information whilst meeting new people in an unfamiliar environment has had its challenges. But I have met some wonderful people and the new role is giving me a chance to carry on with my life and to dive head first into learning new skills.

I have to remind myself every day that despite everything that has happened, between the pandemic, the loss of Dad and Granny, moving jobs and moving house, I am lucky to be where I am today and that is all down to the amazing support network I have around me. Dad was my number one supporter and I am glad he knew about my new role before he passed. It’s sad that he will miss such a big part of my life but I know he will be with me in every step I take.

– Jovi