Four weeks ago my Dad passed away. 12 hours later my Granny passed away. My Dad was my best friend, my mentor and my inspiration.

Grief isn’t something I’ve had a lot of experience with. I’m 28 years old, Irish and a Radiographer based in London. Unfortunately the majority of grief I’ve experienced has occurred within the last few years. I am an only child and have lived away from home in the UK since I was 17. However I always kept a strong relationship with both my parents and flew home to see them as often as I could.

Dad was diagnosed 18 months ago with Mantle Cell Lymphoma, an aggressive and rare form of blood cancer with a poor prognosis. Many of the treatments for this type of cancer are still in the trial stage, and I can’t thank the doctors in Waterford enough for giving it their all in treating him. I spent countless hours in the last few weeks contacting consultants in the UK and Ireland about alternative treatments but alas, no joy.

In May this year, Dad started to show real signs of recovery, from doing some gardening and being able to go out for a coffee with me for the first time in a year. We really thought they’d found an effective treatment, and Dad was determined to fight this cancer and survive.

His plans of travelling some more in his late 60s were thwarted once again by this disease and it overwhelmed him two months later. Dad was a trooper until the very end; he kept his six week prognosis to himself and I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that was for him.

More and more calls began coming through from the palliative team, encouraging me to return home. Unfortunately he passed away the night before I was due to fly. The thought of not being there for him in his last moments weighs heavily on me and every day I feel like there is an elephant sat on my chest.

I count myself lucky however that I saw him in August for a few hours despite the current COVID-19 restrictions. He had received his prognosis that day but didn’t divulge. I returned to London unaware and carried on with life as well as I could, although deep down I knew things weren’t good.

I miss him dearly. Not being able to call him to talk about our favourite things or send him articles on interesting topics cuts deep. He was my main support, my rock and an amazing Dad.

I have decided to write this blog to explore the grief process and to hopefully provide and receive support from other young people who have gone through or are going through the same thing. I would love to hear from others and their experiences so please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Jovi x